Goodwill All Year Long

Twenty four years ago this day, I was 26 years old. Twenty four years ago this day - just 4 days before Christmas, my uncle and grandmother came to my door in the early morning hours to tell me that my Dad had passed away. There's never a Christmas season that this doesn't dampen my joy a bit and I miss him.

My Dad was a very loving, giving and thoughtful man. Mom always said that was what drew her to him. But after several years of marriage and I had already come along, Mom discovered that my Dad had a secret life. He kept it very private and out of our lives, but he was homosexual. My Mom tried to stay in the relationship to give me a family because he was a very good man, but it wasn't long after she found out, she left him.

It was some time after they divorced that I learned of his life on my own. Mom never said a bad word about him. I was 11 years old when I found out and my world fell apart. First of all I was young and never even knew such a thing exsist. Secondedly, in the 70's it was such a disgrace. It was not in the news like it is today and it was kept very secret. But even at 11 years old, I knew it was terribly wrong. Even though it was secret, I wondered who knew and I was afraid that if people knew they would think I was like that too, like it was health thing that gets passed down through generations. Never did I confront him about what I knew and he kept everything in my life as normal as possible.

I can't even begin to tell you how his secret effected me and it was very difficult for many years keeping it buried inside me and trying to live as normal I could. You see, Dad did such a good job at hiding his secret that people in our community and our own family didn't know or if they did they never mentioned it. Dad was a very friendly person and everyone in our town knew him and liked him. That was very evident at his funeral, the church was packed. He was the backbone of his family, the one who handled problems, loaned money, helped family members get jobs by the people he knew in business.

Later I married and had my first child, my daughter Christy. He adored her and everytime we went to visit, she had gifts and usually a trip to Disney or Sea World was a regular event. He remained a loving father and grandfather until the day he died.

Dad never went to church, but when I was growning up he made sure I went. Just a few weeks before his death he and I were riding together, it was Thanksgiving and he told me that every night in his prayers, he prayed that God would take care of me and my children. He said he prayed for his mother too, as her health was failing he never wanted her to suffer. That gave me peace knowing that he believed and still prayed faithfully.

A week or so later, I had woke up like 5:00 a.m., looked at the clock and dosed back off. During that time of sleep I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that my cousin Kathleen and I were in my Dad's car driving into his car port. It was daylight, but suddenly it went dark - I saw the grim reaper coming up behind someone like he was going to strike a person with his staff. Then suddenly it was light again. I looked up to the sky and saw hundreds of people walking on the clouds all going the same direction. I woke up and did not know what that dream meant. My Dad died just weeks later and I like to think that my Dad was among those walking on the clouds to Heaven.

At his funeral, a family come up to me with several children and you could tell that they didn't have much. The wife told me, "You must be Cheryl, your Dad talked about you and your kids all the time". She also told me that many a meal came to them because my Dad would take bags of groceries to them all the time. She said her children also had Christmas presents from him every year and how they truly appreciated the things he had done for them.

Dad died in his car in the middle of Orlando traffic from a massive heart attack. When his car was released to us by the police, we opened the trunk and it was full of toys and gifts. Footballs, dolls, clothes, and the gift he had for my grandmother was in there too! I made sure the gifts were delivered, he had gifts for all of his employees too and I made sure they got theirs as well.

Dad went to his grave not ever knowing that I knew his secret. But because of his acts of giving and kindness, that day I was never more proud to be his daughter.

Dad had lived his life by showing goodwill all year, not just at Christmas. And that was the beautiful lesson he taught me.